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What a bitch!
Original ad:
hi there i am a 22 year old female babysitter looking for a job. i am available pretty much all the time so if you need someone to look after your kid, let me know!
From Timmy Tucker to **********@***********.org
Hey,
I saw your ad about babysitting and am very interested. My grandmother is in the hospital and is probably going to die. She is never awake when I am there, and the doctors say she is only awake for about 5 minutes every couple of days. The problem is, I need her to sign a re-drafted will I wrote so I can get all of her stuff when she dies. Right now she has all of her money going to my bitch sister and her family. I don't have the time to sit there and watch her all day because I have better things to do. I need you to sit at the hospital and watch her in case she wakes up, and then make her sign the will. I will pay you $10 an hour for this job.
Thanks,
Tim
From ***********@gmail.com to Me
no thanks that is sick! show some sympathy you prick!
From Timmy Tucker to **********@gmail.com
Obviously I am not offering you enough money. I will pay you $15 an hour, but in return I need you to unplug her life support after you get her to sign the will.
From ***********@gmail.com to Me
YOU ARE FUCKING SICK I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL
From Timmy Tucker to **********@gmail.com
You clearly do not have the right mindset to enter the fast-paced industry of babysitting. I will find a babysitter that has a little bit more balls than you.
Barely Legal Little League
Posted at: 2009-11-25 02:31:59
Original ad:
We are a little league team looking for a sponsor for the upcoming season. Email if you are interested in helping out. Thanks!
From Me to ********@***********.org
Good afternoon,
I came across your ad looking for a sponsor for your little league team. I am interested if you still need one. Let me know, and we can discuss the details.
Thanks,
Mike
From Joe ********* to Me:
Hey Mike,
My name is Joe. I have been the coach of this team and greatly appreciate the offer. We still do need a sponsor and I would like to hear what you have to offer. The league will not start up again until mid-April so we will have some time. Let me know what you were thinking for sponsorship, you can email or call me anytime at (***)***-****
Thanks,
Joe
From Me to Joe *********:
Joe,
I am glad to hear you are still interested. I would like to have my company name on your team's uniform and fence sign. How much would it cost to do this?
Mike
From Joe ********* to Me:
Hi Mike,
The cost to fully sponsor our team would be $800. It would cover ordering the jerseys and equipment. At the end of the season you will be recognized at our ceremony and will receive a framed photo of the team and your own uniform. What is your company's name and do you have a website?
Thanks,
Joe
From Me to Joe *********:
That sounds reasonable Joe. I am the founder of an adult film company called BarelyLegalSuperSluts. We specialize in 18+ amateur pornography and I would like to get our name out there. We plan on lanuching our site around April, so I think the timing would be perfect with your league. I can forward you our logo and we will discuss designs for the uniforms.
Mike
From Joe ********* to Me:
Mike,
Do you realize this sponsorship is for a little league team?
Joe
From Me to Joe *********:
Yes, you told me that. I think it is great that I'll be able to help kids enjoy America's greatest pastime.
From Joe ********* to Me:
and you honestly expect a bunch of kids to be sporting a jersey that says Barely Legal Super Sluts?
From Me to Joe *********:
Is it too long to fit on the jersey? We could just call them the Super Sluts for short as long as the sign on the field included the link to our website.
From Joe ********* to Me:
No that isn't the problem. This team is for kids and we can't have them wearing shirts that say Super Sluts on them. It is highly offensive and the league most likely wouldn't even allow it.
From Me to Joe *********:
How about we call them the Barely Legal Little Leaguers? I would include a free copy of our Super Sluts Slurping Loads DVD for every parent that attends the game. The DVD features over 3 hours of sluts with hilarious outtakes and alternate endings. I could even have a few of our stars come out and mud wrestle during the 7th inning stretch. I think it could pull in a lot more of an audience for your little league.
From Joe ********* to Me:
No! Thats even worse! Look Mike I appreciate you trying to help our team out but this is absolutely the wrong place to be advertising your porn. If you would still like to contribute you can but we cannot have your company name associated with our team.
From Me to Joe *********:
If this is how you treat every sponsor that wants to help your team out, you will never get any money. Sooner or later you are going to have to whore yourself out to someone, which is a valuable lesson learned in my Big Sluts: Big Loads DVD. I could give that one out to the parents instead, due to the educational value.
From Joe ********* to Me:
You just dont quit do you? Aint happening so go to hell!
auch sehr geil
Spoiler:
Caught Cheating
Posted at: 2009-10-27 10:47:33
Original ad:
No strings attached - dinner wine whatever?
I am a nice woman just looking for a good time. Come over and drink and we can watch a movie and see where it goes from there ;)
From Me to **********@********.org:
Hey!
I live in the area and am also looking for a good time with no strings attached. I am a 37 year old man who just likes having some fun. How about you come over and we watch a movie and have some wine? You down?
Mike
From Karen ******** to Me:
Hi mike! Of course I am down for some fun ;) Do you have any pics of yourself?
From Karen ******** to Me:
Mike are you still there? I havent heard from you!
From Me to Karen ********:
STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY HUSBAND.
From Karen ******** to Me:
umm...what?
From Me to Karen ********:
YOU HEARD ME, YOU WHORE. THIS IS MIKE'S WIFE. HE DIDN'T TELL YOU HE WAS MARRIED, DID HE, YOU FUCKING SLUT!
From Karen ******** to Me:
huh I swear he didn't say anything about that! I'm sorry! I won't write again!
From Me to Karen ********:
Karen,
It is Mike. What the hell did you say to my wife? She found out about us! She is packing her stuff and talking about a divorce. What did you do?!
Mike
From Karen ******** to Me:
I responded to YOUR email that's it! Maybe you shouldn't let your wife check your email! Lastly there is no "us"! I wouldn't screw around with a married man! Shame on you for cheating on your wife!
From Me to Karen ********:
Karen,
Look, I'm sorry, I should have told you about my wife. I just didn't think it was worth mentioning.
Now I managed to calm my wife down. She was willing to hear my side of the story. I told her you were an old girlfriend from high school that was still obsessed with me, and I was trying to get rid of you. She believes me, but she wants to kick your ass. Would you be able to come over here and let my wife kick your ass? Don't worry, she doesn't hit that hard. Just pretend it hurts. I'll give you $20 if you can do this for me.
Please help me out here!
Mike
From Karen ******** to Me:
why would you tell her that!!!!! just be honest and accept what you did!! no I wont go over there to get beat up are you out of your mind????
From Me to Karen ********:
Please Karen! If she divorces me, I am screwed. I made the mistake of not signing a prenuptial agreement when we got married, and now she is talking about taking everything! She even wants to take my Plasma TV! That TV is my world. It is like a son to me. Please don't let her do this. Just come over and let her kick your ass. Do it for me, Karen.
Mike
From Karen ******** to Me:
I'm sorry but this is not my fault at all. I can't help you.
From Me to Karen ********:
Fuck. Well are you still down for a good time with dinner and a movie?
From Karen ******** to Me:
absolutely not.
From Me to Karen ********:
So you ruin my life, and now you won't even go out on a date with me? Thanks a lot, Karen. Next time why don't you add "WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE" next to your personal ad?
ach, die sind einfach alle super geil :DD
Spoiler:
Original ad:
WILMINGTON TO CHICAGO
I'm driving out to Chicago on 9/1 around noon. I'm looking for someone to split the cost of gas/tolls. If interested, send me an email.
From Me to ***********@*********.org
Hi!
I am trying to go to Chicago, and the 1st sounds good to me. I took my ex-girlfriend's EZ-pass out of her car when she wasn't looking, so we can use that to pay for tolls. I have a few things I want to bring, do you have a lot of room?
Mike
From Brian ****** to Me:
Hi Mike,
Will the easy pass still work even though it isn't in your ex's car? I do have some room, what are you trying to bring?
From Me to Brian ******:
Brian,
I just want to bring a few duffel bags of clothes. Also, yes, the EZ pass will still work.
Mike
From Brian ****** to Me:
That shouldn't be a problem. By the way, how old are you? Can you tell me a bit about yourself?
From Me to Brian ******:
I am 25, and I am a landscaper. I actually am going to Chicago for a national landscaper convention.
I just remembered, I also need to bring my weedwhacker. Will that fit in your car?
Mike
From Brian ****** to Me:
It should...I have a Honda Civic but it has a trunk access panel and we might be able to lay it across the back seat/trunk.
From Me to Brian ******:
Great! I also have a mini-fridge that I want to bring (my hotel doesn't have one, and I need to keep my vodka chilled). Can we squeeze this in as well?
Mike
From Brian ****** to Me:
How big is it. I need room for my things too.
From Me to Brian ******:
It is about half the size of a normal fridge. I have some duct tape and rope, we could strap it to the roof of your car.
From Brian ****** to Me:
I don't want to do that sorry. How about you bring it and we can see if it will fit.
From Me to Brian ******:
Sounds good! I'm sure it will fit. I also want to bring my TV...it is a 50" flat screen. Is that a problem? I really hate the small TVs they have at the hotel.
From Brian ****** to Me:
How much shit are you bringing dude? Are you trying to move to Chicago? I said I have a Civic... not a moving van.
From Me to Brian ******:
I'm not bringing that much stuff, just my clothes, weedwhacker, mini-fridge, and TV. You said you had room for my stuff...now you don't? I don't understand. Does this mean we can't take my recliner either?
From Brian ****** to Me:
Are you for real?
From Me to Brian ******:
Yes I am for real.
I just had an idea...Does your Civic have a hitch? I want to bring my Ford F250 truck, could we hook it to your car? It would be nice for me to have my truck in Chicago so I don't have to ride in those dirty cabs everywhere. We could put some of the stuff I want to bring in the bed of my truck, since you "suddenly" don't have that much room.
From Brian ****** to Me:
Why don't you just drive your goddamn truck there. This is crazy
From Me to Brian ******:
Don't get me wrong, I love my truck, but it isn't so good on gas mileage. Can't we just tow it there? It works out better this way, because I wanted to bring my four wheeler but was afraid to ask you because you seem to be getting all pissy about me bringing my stuff.
From Brian ****** to Me:
Why the hell do you need all this shit for a trip to chicago. If anything it is your truck that should be towing my Civic. For christ's sake man, get real.
From Me to Brian ******:
Oh, do you think your Civic isn't capable of towing my truck? I understand. Tell you what, I'll talk to my friend Anthony. He's a mechanic, and could put a better motor in your car so it has more power to tow my truck. It shouldn't cost that much. What is your number? I'll tell him to give you a call.
From Brian ****** to Me:
I'm done talking to you.
From Me to Brian ******:
So am I still getting the ride? I talked to Anthony and he actually needs a ride to Chicago too. I told him he could come if he helps pay for gas. Do you have an extra seat for him? He might have some stuff he wants to bring.
wenn man zeit hat, auf jeden fall alle lesen. ich habe tränen gelacht :D
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